Sunday Quiet

He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn't produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. John 15:2
I have spent the past two months dreading the end of "work".  You see, I am a person that thrives on work.  I like to work, I enjoy work, I LOVE challenge, and I crave new things, oh, and I hate to feel like I am doing nothing.  Our yearly vacation takes effort, yes, EFFORT, for me to unplug, to unwind, and to just relax (thankfully I get better at it each year, the lake waters have a tendency to do that).  I am built to serve, energized by a new task, and wired to want to do for others, and this has left me worn out, tired, but also fulfilled, then over filled.  So, God has been working on me for these past two months to increase my faith and trust in Him, not what I can do.  He has been teaching me to find my identity in HIM, in who he created me to be, not in what I do.  Then, on May 23, he did prune another branch, the branch that kept me from relying on Him, he pruned my job.   
I have applied to several positions, I have wanted all of them.  Responses I have heard, we think you would make a great candidate, you would do the job great, I think I am making the wrong choice so can I keep your resume; but they all ended the same, thank you anyway, we know you will find what is right for you.  Funny thing, I have this friend who called me domestic, and it made me laugh, me, domestic, really?  Then, as I updated my profile, I had to nod my head in agreement, I enjoy most things domestic, especially wearing an apron, I am determined to bring those back into style, maybe even learn to sew and create my own...but that's another time.  While this is happening 6 different people at different times spoke to me about staying home with our children, homeschooling our children (because time doesn't go backwards), pursuing God's plan and purpose for my role in our family and these conversations brought me to TEARS.  
Like I said above, I love to work, and honestly, I am typically very good at what I do.  Partly because I am afraid to fail.  There is too much riding on being successful when you are in the education field.  I mean, these are children's futures we are talking about.  And this brings me to today, sorry for the long backstory, expect those often on here.  
I am sitting here in the Sunday quiet time, and I realize God pruned this branch because it is time to invest in our family, in time with my husband, in the lives of our three children, and in our home.   All the thoughts of "what if I am not good at this", "what if my children make me crazy", what if no one reads this blog", and "what if I FAIL" are still there, they didn't magically go away because I have accepted this current role, this current journey; but those thoughts don't get to win.  I was, I still am, terrified at the idea of putting our family ahead of my career (and yes, I know it should have been there to begin with), but I am stepping out in faith, that God has a plan bigger and better than I can even know right now.
And that's me, well, that's me right now: Christ follower, wife, mother of three, meal planner and maker, educator, fearful, excited, nervous, determined to delight in the little things, to find the joy and ready to laugh along the way.

Comments

  1. Karry aka mommyJune 1, 2014 at 8:59 PM

    This makes me think of Proverbs 31:10, 27 & 28. You are loved more than you can imagine.

    ReplyDelete

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