Obedience: my act of love

     My hands were raised this morning while worshipping. I felt bathed in grace and surrounded by love. Our family has the privilege to worship among like-minded believers, each walking through their own journeys. I can lift my hands in praise and with joy. Eyes closed, arms up, as if reaching for my father, for my daddy. Abba, a tender word, an acknowledgment of Father's power and role of power in my life. We sang and I felt the tears of surrender resolutely press against my eyelashes and spill down my cheeks. Tears wash my cheeks as my hands remain lifted, like a gentle rain pouring out His acceptance, His tender calling me; by name, the name He knew before I was even born. Joy filled tears that nothing I can do, that I have done, or will do will separate me from His love for me. Abba, Father, Creator, Provider: He loves me, with depth, with resolution, with sincerity, and with depth. 
     As this love washes over my being, as I am surrounded by what he offers, my follow up reaction is the desire to run, out of the room, out of the service, out of His presence. I'm reaching for my daddy for He wants to comfort me, to fill up unreplenished areas, yet, at that moment I want to run away from this unmerited, and undeserved grace. It took obedience, my act of love back to Him, to stand still, fixed, present; remembering His gentle words spoken to my heart many times over the previous 365 days, in tender repetition-words from Psalm 139:7-12

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

     It took obedience, my act of love back to Him, to remain when I am uncomfortable and at peace when I am yearning for what feels "normal" or even deserved. There, I remain standing in worship, yet bowed in spirit, and in reverence because obedience, my love for Him, makes me stay, fixed and still, reminded the sacrifice of Jesus, was meant for me, for my family, for my friends, for my colleagues, for my neighbors, and for my city. Obedience, a word ripe with mixed reactions, negative connotations, for me, means freedom, peace, joy, and an act of worship. Obedience, my act of love back to Him, while in His presence, for there is nowhere I can run or hide or go that He cannot see me and would not seek me out to remember and remain in His steadfast and abundant love for me.
     Dear friend, dear sister, dear brother; you are loved, He is pursuing you. There is nowhere you can go, no mountain or depth that are too far from Him. The darkness is not too dark for Him and he remains, shining like the day, Abba, Father, daddy reaching down to your outstretched arms for an embrace, in peace, a gracious space of rest. He loves you, I love you; I am here and will share how this journey looks, how it feels, to point to the Creator, the Father, to Abba because His arms are wide, His love is strong, His mercies are new every morning and He is full of joy. He wants us to experience this, together, with Him, with each other. His desire for our community- that we will be there for each other in tears and peace and as we laugh along the way.

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